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Tue, Feb. 14th, 2012, 08:15 pm
Big Ang Appreciation Post

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Thu, Sep. 8th, 2011, 04:20 pm
How Technology Has Ruined Me

I was writing something down on paper and actually expected a red squiggly line to show up on anything I spelt wrong.

Fri, Aug. 19th, 2011, 03:09 pm


Thu, Jul. 21st, 2011, 02:03 am
FOOD DIARY: Eat Like Shit= Feel Like Shit= Gotta Take A Shit

 I love dairy products. My digestive system does not. One drop of lactose gets into my stomach and my bowels go haywire. 

Let me list all the dairy I had today.

Breakfast: Yogurt
Lunch: Cheeseburger
Snack: Ice Cream 
Dinner: Fettuccine Alfredo 
Late Treat: Two Starbucks Mocha Frapps
As delicious as it all was, I regret everything. I can't even describe how putrid my farts have been all day. I wish I could compare them to rotten eggs but that would be far too modest. 
And I get that annoying sporadic rumbling in my tummy that just will not settle down. I want to die right now. Lawd hammercy on my soul and asshole. Amen.

Mon, Jul. 18th, 2011, 11:11 pm

 Is it pathetic that I got sad from watching a porno because one of the guys looked like this girl I used to be friends with in the 7th grade until she suddenly decided to stop being my friend and I still have no idea why? lol It's weird how shit like that still hurts 10+ years later.

Thu, Jun. 30th, 2011, 02:21 pm


Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2011, 12:05 am

I just watched a 50+ year old hag have an orgasm, thanks to an instructional "Anal Massage" video and my own boredom.

Though I discovered this video on a pon site, it was actually very clinical. They presented diagrams, researched evidence, interviews with various "doctors", and of course, demonstrations. I can't honestly say I didn't seek out a video of sort to begin with; I don't know why but sometimes I enjoy watching massage videos (pornographic or not). They rarely excite me sexually... if anything I find them more relaxing and entertaining. Weird, I know, but if there are porn studios that exist, with the sole purpose of making ~erotic massage videos~ then I can't be the only one watching them!

There is nothing sexy about the video, considering that its stars consist of middle aged hippies and fat lesbians, but I could see how performing the act on a sex partner could be erotic. Knowing myself and my sense of humor, getting past the awkwardness of completely focusing on a butthole would be diffiult... but I'm sure after a while, I could find something like that pleasurable, whether I'm giving or recieving it.

I mean, you hear these people come on the screen going on and on about how they experience spiritual revelations from their earth shattering tantric massage orgasms (mostly women, though), and it sounds like some fucking horse shit they dreamt up after tripping on acid, but at the same time, it makes someone like me very curious and intruiged.

Well, I don't know why I wrote this.

Sun, May. 29th, 2011, 03:21 pm

Last night, I was treated to romantic dinner at a swanky Mediterranean restaurant and instead of indulging in rich conversation and intimacy, we spent the majority of the time stalking a young straight couple at the table across from us.

The girl was what I like to refer to as "goofy cute": Moderately attractive but with a some goofy features/ characteristics that kind of knock her down from a firm 7 to about a 6 on the 1 to 10 scale of hotness. In her case, her teeth were kind of jacked up, she had a soccer mom haircut, and she was wearing a fucking turtleneck sweater on a date! The guy had a very nerdy appearance: Glasses, side swept gelled hair, a button-down shirt that was too tight, and old man loafers.

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An ~artistic interpretation~ of what I saw.

By analyzing their body language and interactions, I could assess that this was a first date but they had probably known each other (co-workers, friend of a friend, online dating services) prior that evening.
Though we were not close enough to their table to hear their conversation, we used that to our advantage and narrated their story for our entertainment.

There was a lot of drink sipping and forced chuckles whenever they were stuck in a puddle of awkward silence. There was a good amount of eye-contact aversion on the girl's part. I noticed the guy's foot fidgeting when  the belly-dancer shimmied her way toward their table and how desperately he tried not to even turn his neck to even stretch in case she was just around the corner. (The belly dancer was unbelievably hot btw. My guy and I were even ogling at dat ass)
The only thing that could have made it any better would be humorous thought bubbles, "Blind Date" style.

It's difficult to remain inconspicuous when you're literally spying on someone who is a mere 10 feet away from you, but we got away with it unnoticed. I don't know how to end this post.

Mon, May. 23rd, 2011, 12:13 am
Writer's Block: Mother Monster returns

In three words, how would you describe Lady Gaga?

 My future wife

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Wed, May. 18th, 2011, 04:02 pm

I've been going on and on about how I really want to write a book (which is inspired by the juicy ~twitter drama~ that I'm so vocal about) for months now.

How much progress have I made in terms of actually writing? NONE.

One of the things I blame that on is the fact that I'm so visual. If I were writing the screenplay for the movie, I probably wouldn't be experiencing this struggle... and it would be great if I could eventually have this made into a movie.. but I still need to materialize the plot in textual form.

I know a lot of you are very skilled amateur writers (even though I'm sure no one is even reading this right now). Do you guys have any tips or devices you use?

Like, I don't even know where to start!

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